Eclipse SPOOF
by SoNotEmoPunkKid
Summary: Thanx to L.C.! Me and triplemgirl made this for a class assignment, and... here it is! We both posted it... but I'm only coauthor.Candy Mountain, MCR, DDR, and much more! Flames allowed.


Rachel Way

Marie & Rachel's version of **Eclipse** (The Spoof)

Characters: Bella, Jakey, Edward, Jasper, Cuddles (the mutated bunny), Evil singing letters (C, A, N, D, & Y), Gerard Way, Mikey Way, Frank Iero, Bob Bryar, Ray Toro, Mr. Narrator, L.C. Candle (Narrator 2)

Narr.: It was a dark starry night with the moon shining overhead. Most people were asleep, but a certain someone was having trouble doing just that.

Edward: Well _duh, _Mr. Narrarrarratoror. I don't sleep!

Narr.: Not _you, _Edward.

Edward: Oops. My bad.

Narr.: Anyways…

Bella: Sob! My dear boyfriend who is a vampire but nobody knows it is out fighting crime in a Pink Power Ranger Mighty Morphers suit on Candy Mountain! With evil singing LETTERS!! Wait! I hear a noise at the window!

(Scratching Noise)

Is it my dear boyfriend who is a vampire but nobody knows it who is out fighting crime in a Pink Power Ranger Mighty Morphers suit on Candy Mountain!? With the evil singing LETTERS??!

Narr.: Whoa. Deja Vu …um, let's continue. A dark figure appeared in the window & busted through with pride.

Strange Someone: It is _I! _JAKEY BLACK!! With my mutated bunny CUDDLES!!!

Bella: (Stares in confusion)

Jakey: I have come far to deliver a very important MESSAGE!

Bella: Which is…?

Jakey: I like PIE!!!!!

Bella: Get out of her e you stinkin' PERVE!!! (Throws alarm clock at Jakey & misses Jakey stares at the shattered alarm clock and grins psychotically)

Jakey: I have seen time fly! My LIFE IS COMPLETE!!!!!

Bella: Get OUT!!!

(Bella threw a pillow & watched in delight as Jakey flew out the window)

Bella: Perve…

Jakey: I heard that! I am NOT! This…

(Jakey randomly jumped back up on the windowsill)

Jakey: …is perverted!

(looks up skirt of male Barbie doll)

Narr.: Okay… I'm taking a break. Where's Narrator 2?

(L.C. Candle (aka Narrator 2) shows up)

L.C.: Here! OK, what's going on- oh… I don't even wanna know…

(Stares at Jakey looking up skirt of male Barbie)

L.C.: Let's go on…

Bella: Fine, PERVE, do you know where Edward is?

Jakey: Give me one good reason to tell you.

Bella: I've got a bag of Kibbles'n'Bits. Good for a growing werewolf.

Jakey: So tempting…but I must restrain myself.

Bella: You know you want them…

(Bella has an evil grin and is shaking the box inches from his face)

Jakey: Okay! Follow me…!!

(Jakey pulls Bella and Kibbles'n'Bits outside of Bella's window)

L.C.: So…where is Candy Mountain?

Jakey: In the back of Bella's old STINKY truck!

Bella: Ooooh…kay.

(Jakey, holding Bella's arm, headed to the back of Bella's old STINKY truck. When they get to the back, it magically takes them to Candy Mountain)

Jakey: Ta-da!

L.C.: So there in Candy Mountain…

Jakey: Wait! WHERE IS CUDDLES!!!!

L.C.: He's in Bella's… Let's go check on him…

(flash over to CUDDLES, who is stuck in Bella's window)

L.C.: Does that answer your question?

Jakey: (Munching on Kibbles'n'Bits) What're we talking about?

L.C.: Going on… Oh my Carlisle, who's in the YELLOW Lightspeed Rescue suit?!

Bella: Edward!

Dude in yellow Lightspeed Rescue suit: No…

Bella: Edward!!

Dude in Yellow Lightspeed Rescue suit: No.

Bella: EDWARD!!!!

Dude in Yellow Lightspeed Rescue suit: NO!! It's Jasper! Why don't you like me Bella? I'm cool, aren't I? My mom says I'm cool. Are you even listening to me?

L.C.: Meanwhile, Bella is distracted by Evil Singing Letters.

Jakey: Hey! Evil singing Letters?!! Do you know where the Pink Mighty Morphers Power Ranger is?

Letter C: He's over there with Charlie the Unicorn.

L.C.: Charlie? Isn't he missing a kidney?

Bella: EDWARDOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

L.C.: Edwardo?

(Pink Power Mighty Morpher Edward appears in too small Power Rangers suit with skirt)

Edward: I am HERE! At Candy Mountain Cave!

Jakey: That is just WRONG.

L.C.: Wait a minute…where's my bunny eraser?

(pet mutated bunny eraser fell from rainbow & into Candy Mountain with only one ear)

Jakey: NO!!! Cuddles! Why did this have to happen to you?!

Edward: What's with him?

Jasper: Don't ask me, I just got here.

L.C.: Bella's _still_ distracted by Evil singing letters.

Bella: Oh, when you're down and looking for some cheering up, then just head right on down to the Candy Mountain Cave…

Edward: No! She's being brainwashed! I'll save you Bella!

L.C.: Meanwhile, the bunny was taken from mourning Jakey and thrown at Bella's head…just so you know.

Jakey: NO!!! CUDDLES!!!

E.S.L.: Turn around, it astounds, it's a dancing Candy tree, da-da-da, loves so free, so now Bella will you please go into the cave?

Edward: NO! This SONG! (clears throat) When you walk away, you don't here me say, PLEASE…BABY…

Jasper: NO! THIS SONG! (clears throat) I chimed in with a haven't you people ever heard of closing the-

L.C.: Hey! This is a kids' play!

Jasper: FINE! "Closing the _GOSH DARN _DOOR!" Happy now?

Jakey: to audience While they are ARGUING (!!) I will (Dramatic pause Continues in Transylvanian) accent Save Isabella!

L.C.: But just as Jakey tried to save her, Bella bent over…

Bella: Hey look! It's CUDDLES!!

L.C.: …and Jakey flew into the Candy Mountain Cave. Ouch…

Letter C: No.

Letter A: Flippin'.

Letter N: Way.

Letter D: But…

Letter Y: IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE BELLA!!!

(cave door closes)

Edward: (Waving idiotically) Bye-bye, JAKEY!

Jakey: (Muffled) No flippin' way.

Edward: YEAH WAY.

Jakey: No way-

Edward: YEAH WAY!!!

Jakey: NO WAY!

Edward: YEAH-

Bella: points in the distance GERARD WAY!

L.C.: Rachel _had_ to add Gerard… (looks at bleach blonde applying eyeliner )

Bella: OMC! He's SHIRTLESS!!

Edward: That's not cool…

Gerard: I'm going to RUN now…

Jasper: I sense a chasing montage. (points finger and hears squeaky noise, and moves in running motion)

Jasper: Listen to my SUIT! It's squeaky, squeaky, squeaky!

Edward: OOOOH! Squeaky SUIT! (Edward copies Jasper)

Jakey: HELLOOO! I'm BLEEDING IN HERE!

Gerard: Why are you bleeding…?

Jakey: They took my…KIDNEY!

Edward: Mmm…blood…

Gerard: You're a vampire? AWESOME! Wanna play World of War Craft?

Edward: Okay!

Jasper: Hey, I wanna play World of War Craft, too!

Edward: No, you're too stupid to play it.

Jasper: Well, you aren't smart enough either!

Edward: Yeah, you got a point there.

Gerard: Mutters Idiots…

Bella: GERARDUH! (tackles Gerard hear horrible smooching noises)

L.C.: Ewww…kay.

Gerard: Get (smooch) off (smooch) ME!! (smooch smooch)

Bella: NO! Must SMOOCH! (smoochy)

(Gerard slips away and hands Bella a twig to smooch on)

Bella: SMOOCH!!!

Edward: Eww…Bella, what are you doing?!

Letter C: Love…

Letter A: Something…

Letter N: Exciting…

Letter D: And…

Letter Y: New…

Gerard: What the HECK?! Singing LETTERS?!

Jasper: Actually, _EVIL_ singing letters.

L.C.: 2 questions…

1. What happened to Jakey the retard?

(flashes back to cave)

Jakey: Hello? Is anyone there? …hello?

L.C.: Okay, and 2. How can you be in love with a TWIG?

Gerard: I dunno. How do letters _SING?_

Edward: Oh, no you di-in't! If it's going to be that way…

(smoke and two machines rise from the ground, lights are deflected and music is heard)

I challenge you to Dance Dance Revolution!

Gerard: What did I _do?_

Letter C: You have insulted the LETTERS. You shall learn to respect our authorita. We challenge you to DANCE DANCE REVOLUTION!

(letters spin & are suddenly dressed in gangsta clothes)

Gerard: You've got to be KIDDING ME!!

Letter A: Now come to the dance floor.

Gerard: Fine… (slumps over to colorful D.D.R.) What did I do to insult YOU anyway?!

Jasper: Dance Pants Revosmoochun! I challenge _ooh_ Gershmard Pay!

Gerard: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT!!??

Jasper: I _SAID:_ Dance Pants RevoSmoochun! I challenge _ooh_ Gershmard Pay!

L.C.: In ENGLISH that's , 'Dance Dance Revolution! I challenge _you_ Gerard Way!

Gerard: That makes more sense. All right, Mikey, Frank, Bob, Ray!

M.F.B.R: Here!

Gerard: It's time to kick some butt at Dance Dance Revolution!

Jasper: Dance PANTS RevoSMOOCHUN, GERSHMARD PAY!

Gerard: All RIGHT, Casper Shnail!

Jasper: (mutters) _Finally_ someone gets my name right…

Gerard: Okay…

Letter Y: Hey, we still waitin' here foo!

Twig: (gets away from Bella) I challenge MCR to DDR! But first… (pulls out a cookie and hands it to Gerard) …here you go.

Gerard: COOKIE!! Nibbles on it

(Mikey sneaks up from behind and steals Gerard's nibbled cookie)

Mikey: Yay! COOKIE!

Gerard: (Tears in eyes) Mommy…MIKEY STOLE MY COOKIE!!!

Ray: Dude, isn't your mom in New Jersey?

Gerard: No, she's in CHICAGO!

Frank: Chicago's in New Jersey, right?

Gerard: I thought so.

Mikey: IT'S IN ILLINOIS YOU MORONS! (Nibbles on cookie)

Bob: Duh… I'm cool!

Mikey: No, you're not.

Bob: Aren't I? My mom says I'm cool. (Looks at group) Are you even listening to me?

Ray: Not really…

Gerard: HEY! GUYS! Check it out! (goes behind tree hair is black again) Black! (Goes behind tree again hair changes) Black and Long!( Again hair is white) White! (You get it…) Black! White! Black White! Black-

Mikey: (throws cookie at him) Shut UP!

Gerard: (Opens mouth and eats cookie) YUM.

L.C.: What does this have to do with _ECLIPSE_?

Bob: I don't know…

Frank: Well if Bella & Edward left for their honeymoon, Jakey bled to death, & the twig & the letters are doing DDR, we should end it here…

All of MCR: Okay.

Sora: (walks out of nowhere) Wait, I want to be in the play, too!

(blacks out and the Numa song comes on to conclude)

L.C.: So, Bella and Edward were on their honeymoon, Jakey bled to death, the twig & letters kept doing DDR, MCR went back on tour, I kept on narrating and…wait…What happened to _JASPER?!_

THE END


End file.
